Last year’s Mother’s Day was, it’s fair to say, a shambles. Day of rest, meals cooked, thoroughly spoilt… oh and adored, of course.
Not sure why we hadn’t cottoned on to this a few years earlier, but in a family of two mums (and two children under 12), it just ain’t gonna work like that. Children still need feeding, and there is no resident Dad in the house to spoil us Mums silly.
And then there’s the other Mother’s Day stuff to add to the heady cocktail of Mother’s Day. It was only last year (little sis age 6) that we first felt ( and I mean felt) the effects of what confused thoughts Mother’s Day must throw at her mind. No doubt there were memories of birth parent contact which took place for the first couple of years (not any more, more about that another post). And then there’s thoughts (everyone’s) about how birth mum must have felt today. Although no apparent desire to make card for birth mum, or not mentioned at least.
Forever trying to be prepared, we’d talked to school about how Mother’s Day might be difficult for little sis. Would she want to make a card for birth mum? Would she want to scribble all over ours? (At least school is cool with two mums though, no problem there.)
In any event, here’s how this year’s day went:
6.45am: In she comes, with bag of goodies trailing behind her. It’s a mixed bag (literally), humour soothes her underlying anxiety (ie strop). Little sis delights at giving us both cards and carefully chosen gifts (from the depths of under her bed!) all equally carefully wrapped.
6.50am: Mums exchange tentative glances – so far so good.
7.00am: Presents opened – little sis and us delighted. Delighted that she was so excited about giving us presents. Sweet.
7.10am: “Happy Mother’s Day” says bro as he schleps past the bedroom en route for a pee. (Already under instruction to go with the flow on what was likely to be a tricky day.)
7.15am: Cards opened – a moment of sibling bonding occurred as big bro and little sis wrote joint cards for each of us (progress in itself). “I love you so much” she’d written in the cards 🙂
8.15am: Strong coffee drunk while plans made to go out for breakfast at the farm. Excellent, gorgeous sunny day.
10.20am: We actually leave the house without any tears or tantrums whatsoever. Astounding.
10.50am: An attempt is made by little sis to sabotage breakfast (don’t like, won’t eat, throws book). There are tears (ours – frustration, exhaustion, probably disappointment) and little sis says “why is everybody crying?”.
11.00am: Sabotage is successfully aborted and breakfast resumes.
5.00pm: Back home and pasta dinner all together after a fun and fresh-air-filled day. Little sis enjoyed the day. We enjoyed the day.
7.00pm: A happy (and healthily exhausted) little sis is ready for bed and asks to be rocked (cue Theraplay) and then to be tucked in (a first).
It’s good to look back sometimes and see how things have changed. Gives us hope things can and will change more in years to come. We hope that things change for birth mum, we hope she stops being angry that we’ve stopped contact and we hope she moves on with her own life.
Yay. We feel we’ve made progress from last year.